beefswitch's contribution to channel four twist our words thing

DOH-ZILLA DOES CORNWALL

the first installation (or peice of actual art, for that matter) in the works from the awesome people of beefswitch

the premise: we all want to pretend to be dinosaurs, or have done at SOME point

why?: it'll be hella fun!

what will happen?:
there will be a model place made (at this point, either tokyo or the tremough and woodlane campuses of UCF inc DCA)

the audience will be instructed to pretend to be godzilla and destroy the buildings

dinosaur noises are encouraged

wtf?: why not?

will it cost anything?: we'll try and make back the cost of making such an EPIC amount of play-dough, so depending on interest, it'll be like £1 or something.

can we take some play-dough?: yes. when it's gone it's gone and doh-zilla has done his work.

awesome!: yup

how to stuff dog toys

http://www.filemonster.net/en/file/17618/how-to-stuff-dog-toys-mp3.html

how to stuff dog toys

i will not be tied down visuals

a vide-ode to flux man-jake ayre!

jerome fletcher found text remix

http://www.filemonster.net/en/file/17219/iwillnotbetieddown-wav.html

a preview of my sneaky new sound peice. it will be left on jerome fletcher's answerphone.

enjoy

(p.s. sorry, you have to copy and past the URL in because i am useless)

you will feel cheated

new portfolio

yay for stalking!

i was trying to get the sound from the video to interact with the music a little bit.

collected mobile video clips and audio made with mobile phone

enjoy!

some more omegling

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: i'm horny:D
You: hi!
You: asl?
Stranger: 18. female. california
Stranger: you
You: 25/m/KY
Stranger: what part of ky?

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: oi!
Stranger: hi
You: you disconnected!
You: you bastard@!
Stranger: f-m
Stranger: ?
You: m
Stranger: see

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: I apologise profusely, but I require a horny chick (c; somebody who might be willing to watch me play
You: hi
You: i am a horny chick
Stranger: cool
Stranger: :)
Stranger: do you fancy watching me get freaky
You: hel yeah
Stranger: lol
Stranger: do you use msn?
Stranger: I've got a cam
Stranger: ;)
Stranger: ?
You: ?
Stranger: do you use msn?
You: do you?
Stranger: well yeah
Stranger: haha
Stranger: that's how people watch me lol
You: go on then ;0
Stranger: what's your address?
You: i've got my bf's msn
Stranger: right
You: but what'S
You: URS?
You: soz. i'm durnk

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi
Stranger: hallo
You: how is one?
Stranger: sup
You: im good
You: drunk
You: hoq is one?

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey there
You: howdy

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: howdy :))

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: What's your fave tech gadget of all time?
You: good questions
Stranger: yup
You: obvs a macbook
Stranger: oh sweet
Stranger: pro version?
Stranger: my mom has a MBP 17"
Stranger: its quite lovely
Stranger: but i'm buying an alienware lappy thou
Stranger: it will have core i7 and dual 5870 graphics cards with RGB LED screen
Stranger: i can;t wait ^_^
Stranger: so any small gadgets that you like too?
Stranger: where did you go?

tape sculpture

oh my god, i never thought of tape as a medium for creating sculptures. this must be investigated.


http://www.google.co.uk/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=tape+sculpture&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&redir_esc=&ei=39usS6brB5D20wTr3e2ODg

lots of fun things planned for the next few weeks.

firstly, i've discovered the teapot is an amazing instrument and will be playing with as many different teapots as i can for a bit. as a sample, here's a link to a song i made using one teapot layering it over itself.
there's some crackle towards the end of the track because i recorded it with my in built microphone.
enjoy!




apart from teapot experimentation, there's going to be a few photo series and major dressing up fun, plus my face will be eaten.

updates soon

webcam: creating internet prostitutes since whenever it was

awannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:04:12)
Hello!   
mark says: (17:04:32)
hi....
mark says: (17:04:43)
who is this?
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:04:44)
Yay someone to talk too!! ~~~~~<3 :-)
mark says: (17:05:20)
well this is odd
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:05:31)
I'm 21/F please tell me your a male???
mark says: (17:05:48)
yeah but i'm not camming or agreeing to meet you in person
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:05:59)
Cool, ya my name is Gina i work at a 24 Hour Fitness center and sometimes i like to come home and play with my cam...
mark says: (17:06:16)
kind of read the above message
mark says: (17:06:20)
camming is slutty
mark says: (17:06:23)
go away
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:06:27)
So your computer comes with a camera?  I hate it when people can't actually see me saying stuff or fixing my hair or fixing my bra ;-)
mark says: (17:06:56)
couldnt you like fuck off please?
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:07:07)
Well i don't do yahoo cam or any other cam because i have been recorded before... But i do know one site you can watch me on cam that assures me no one records...
mark says: (17:07:27)
still, why do you carry on talking?
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:07:38)
I mean... Do you want to see me on my cam?
mark says: (17:07:55)
i am gay, i like boys. of course i dont want to see you prostitute yourself on the internet
mark says: (17:08:03)
so go away
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:08:06)
Ok baby but I am trying to make something of myself.  Its gonna cost $0.00 today to Watch me get Naked for you. I'm being honest and i'll suck anything you see infront of me for u...
mark says: (17:08:21)
can you read? go away
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:08:31)
I can even stick things anywhere you want to see them after your in...
mark says: (17:08:58)
are you actually even a real human being?
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:09:08)
Just goto http://shortlinks.co.uk/twn accept the invite on the page baby, remeber its gonna end up costing you nothing to watch me play with myself today... i hope i'm worth it
mark says: (17:09:19)
well you're not
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:09:30)
We can still talk baby.. just might be in and out cuz i'm trying to plz other friends on my cam.
mark says: (17:09:50)
good luck with that
mark says: (17:09:54)
now leave me alone
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:09:59)
Would you like to be friends?
mark says: (17:10:03)
no
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:10:13)
Ok well its only FREE to be friends with benifets lol!!! Seriously hun i think i know how to turn you on.
mark says: (17:10:19)
if you're lonely enough to whore yourself on cam, then i can't be bothered with you
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:10:30)
I'll just talk to you naughty and spank my ass until its nice and red for you ::Blushing::
mark says: (17:10:32)
go get some mental help and maybe some friends
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:10:43)
hold on a second baby don't bust yet ;-)
mark says: (17:10:51)
what the hell!
mark says: (17:11:02)
do you speak english?
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:11:02)
hey babe i gotta run sorry these cam shows are comin in and i can't leave anyone hanging they want me to do things so i can't type to you right now..
mark says: (17:11:07)
good
mark says: (17:11:09)
go away
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:11:12)
Actually i have to bend over sideways and keep the mouse on my ass for this one guy.. lol i dunno why he likes that
mark says: (17:11:45)
i'm using this conversation in a writing peice because you're shit
mark says: (17:11:52)
i'm going to block you now
mark says: (17:11:54)
byebye
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:11:56)
Maybe we can chat later?  Or just visit me!!! Its absoluetly FREE remember here is the link again http://shortlinks.co.uk/tx0 ::MUAH::
mark says: (17:12:02)
no
tawannadenna16@hotmail.com says: (17:12:13)
i hope to see you soon! Come Check out some naughty pics of me.. Goto http://pinkgirlpics.com/XoXGinaXoX
mark says: (17:12:21)
...............no
mark says: (17:12:55)
go get a job
mark says: (17:12:57)
byebye

doodle suit

i've finally managed to get the doodle suit from the any which way event into a .pdf so you can download and read it.

this can be downloaded from: http://www.filemonster.net/en/file/15853/doodle-suit-pdf.html

it's quite a big file, sorry.

enjoy!

well, i admit. i didn't think this through properly. it is VERY cold at the moment. sitting in a bath outside is a bad idea at this time of year, although i did get a little bit done. mainly the ballsy one: in town outside hmv at lunchtime.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-i6zOYL66A

unfortunately i can't load it on here, it's too long and the computer was having a hard time, so the youtube link will have to do.

it got some public reactions, which was good. about six seconds in someone shouts "wierdo!" and the ageing lady was sent from the people in the coop bank to see what was going on. later on they thanked me for keeping them amused for a few hours.

someone i know walked past and started taking photos, so i asked if i could be sent them. they're not the most "flattering", but it's all good.

the project will be continued in the summer when the risk of hypothermia is somewhat less. as for now i have some videos to laugh at and some fun filming although it was really cold.

mud tales will also be filmed later on in the year when the ground is warmer and i can play with it more.

the doodle suit?

that worked.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MTITKpFOgg

i think whoever drew on it can agree that was a fun project. i'm going to scan the suit and upload a link so you can download it as a .pdf.

at the beginning of the night we put a bet on how many rudimentary phalluses would be drawn on me. the closest was dave the sound guy, who bet five. the end result was lower than all of the bets, which was four, although one was over 2ft long, so it could count for two.

alot to upload, wil get there in chunks.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

an exercise in recontextualising: the bath part 1

as an attempt at playing with context i will be recontextualising bathing throughout this week. if you're in guernsey you may see me bathing in different areas on tuesday or thursday. either way, the finished video result will be uploaded here and onto youtube as soon as it is finished, which will hopefully be around the end of next week. the final touches are being put onto the text to accompany this, and i'll be starting to record it towards the end of this week.

this project is going to be fun, maybe embarrassing, and somewhat cold, but i hope anyone who sees it enjoys it as much as i am going to enjoy making it. maybe more. i hope people enjoy it as much as i was cold during the filming of this.

also during this week:

mud tales - surprisingly a story told via the medium of mud

should you be looking at that? - a pen and paper performance on a first contact with pornography.

and a collaborative work with the audience of the first any which way festival events, possibly finishing with an auction depending on how many penises are drawn on my face.

enjoy...,.

a list

i am me.

i am no-one.

the last libertarian son.

born bored and dying trying.

keeping mum.

the lamb’s half done.

it’s what you think.

it’s what you are.

it’s what you buy.

it’s what you spend.

it’s who you texted on the bus last night.

it’s all these things and the above.

the warm feeling of arms.

a short back and sides.

staying awake all night.

midnight runs down the road for a fag.

a short flight. a regrettable night.

the many more that follow.

the place we did that thing that time.

the pogtainer of truth.

thor the black hammer of jesus.

sock man.

the guy with the jeep.

the paramedic.

D).

a slight interest in string theory.

a fascination with things they don’t understand.

a tendency to think alot.

buck teeth and an underbite.

liberation day.

bean jar.

Cheryl and Kim.

Gobbles, Ethel and of course, Baby.

Arm Chair.

Banjo.

The Girls.

Buddy.

Colin.

Mum and Dad.

Ronnie the rat.

the spiders that climb into your mouth.

the greenhouse.

peaches and haggis.

grizzly bear.

dirty projectors.

lady macbeth with a metal detector.

the breadmoose.

we are, in fact, sailors.

ford focus.

(an alternative format)

i am me. i am no-one. the last libertarian son. born bored and dying trying. keeping mum. the lamb’s half done. it’s what you think. it’s what you are. it’s what you buy. it’s what you spend. it’s who you texted on the bus last night. it’s all these things and the above. the warm feeling of arms. a short back and sides. staying awake all night. midnight runs down the road for a fag. a short flight. a regrettable night. the many more that follow. the place we did that thing that time. the pogtainer of truth. thor the black hammer of jesus. sock man. the guy with the jeep. the paramedic. D). a slight interest in string theory. a fascination with things they don’t understand. a tendency to think alot. buck teeth and an underbite. liberation day. bean jar. Cheryl and Kim. Gobbles, Ethel and of course, Baby. Arm Chair. Banjo. The Girls. Buddy. Colin. Mum and Dad. Ronnie the rat. the spiders that climb into your mouth. the greenhouse. peaches and haggis. grizzly bear. dirty projectors. lady macbeth with a metal detector. the breadmoose. we are, in fact, sailors. ford focus.

untitled monologue

Gank, Luck, Crazy animations circulating, misconjecture, aerating space in out among crab walking pedestrians, Primani zoot suit and tie that says “oh, i am commander”, combination lock stock coffee cup and new edition romulus cow-skin suitcase lined with the souls of innocent cardboard smashed and mushed big style to layers and layers and layers of thin, ineffective padding that upon touching you make that slight cringe due to the texture and think although this feels bad, it could always be something slimy, slithery or spongey you could be bathing in while mummy feather fucking top doctor romulus holding bold, blindfolds, swings and stuff, speaking through robots on angry ice, toungueing lizards and finger larks all set for sunrise and a quick escape for milkman’s entry on the morrow then remaining business follows: mr pot, the flowershop man, Man Ray, and Stravinsky singing hot things on tadpole chariots to screams of lusty serenades to crab walking pedestrians lost in devil grey towers and stilt eyes poised for watching what we once determined found in books, now “brought to you by…..”

overcoming mrs darcy

“Take off your gunns!” Screamed Mrs. Darcy as she waltzed across the levy. “Do you not know your limits? The pan is off the hob and you probably haven’t even washed your hands yet!”

She was correct. I hadn’t washed my hands, however, I had almost overpowered a whole lemon. All by myself! I thought it had called for some pretty big chat, but Mrs. Darcy did not seem to think so.
I was overcome.
Had she beaten me?
Not yet.
I had one trick left up my sleeve.
One night late in early march I snuck inside her and hid my seed deep in the recess. Soon after she began to feel ill every morning. My plan had worked! She was certainly in a pickle now.

By October a whole marrow grew out of her elbow.
I was victorious at last.

now is the time to act!

On this hill the world as we know it collided. There were fridges flying over the countryside and dropping small packages of explosive cheese. Of course, the blenders had to respond. The first wave of hand blenders and the whisk militia were hit the hardest, almost losing 250,000 lives. The worst blow was to troop morale though. Blendy Blenderson got hit. Blown to smithereens. The blenders realised this is not going to be over any time soon. Poor blenders. This is going to be a long, hard, uphill struggle, and they have to win. No matter what. The blenders must survive. This is life or death now. This is the continuation of a species. This is mass extinction. Genocide.

The fridges need to protect their place in the kitchen. Those blenders have been creeping up on every surface. The steamers have already been wiped out by the bastards. Who knows who could be next. The mandolins? Surely not the mandolins. We fridges need to do something now before the blenders spread everywhere. We must stop them. Put them in their place!

NOW IS THE TIME TO ACT PEOPLE!

brown bread

brown bread. how i long for it's sweeter counterpart.

amazon and furry bears

Hannah got had, which is funny because she had it coming.

the effects of which i didn't notice until a few days later, as per the usual routine each month, she began her rule of tyranny which only lasted one day this month. it seems she's ashamed.

maybe looking at it now she can laugh about it, because it is actually funny, but at the time she was probably a little shook up and put down. i wasn't there. she was in wales.

at the time of deciding to start a blog i was masturbating, and acheived that insight of which only self pleasure really can provide, watching a shit porn with your hands all over yourself trying desperately to accomodate lust, but only managing wanderings about starting blogs and what books to order off of amazon. in this situation: useful.

i've fallen hopelessly in love, once again, with a soldier who i knew from school and is now off to war. I, being selfish, wanted them to stay so i could avoid talking to them and watch them from afar. a healthy relationship. if it wasn't for mr. D i probably wouldn't touch myself as much, not that i think of him now, but he used to touch you when he spoke. it was like he'd beam his message across (a bit messy in the speech department) to you and you would get it there and then. he'd update your programming once every day in spanish, then go back to the beautiful language of chemistry to round off the day.

bunsen burners and sausages were the main reasons for the whole reagan shooting, not that there even was a shooting, but i think there was. if not, then there should have been. he seems like the type. i couldn't find my scooter that morning when i found, in stead, my keys. not that i had a car anymore, but i liked to keep the spares to look at, or in case i wanted to steal it. i didn't know where it was parked, but i didn't matter because the car wasn't mine now.

in the amazon, they cut down valuable rainforest space to grow books. the advent of internet reading had created a monster. the consumers read too fast now for authors to catch up. now books simply grow from trees not unsimilar to bay trees, but bigger and with books on them. i have reason to suspect they're an odd colour, however i've only seen pictures of them from google search, and they were black and white. book trees that is.